DRUNK NANDINI; and the confessions of love
Never in her wildest dreams, nor even in her worst of
nightmares did Mukti-the badass girl for whom life is race and love story a clique;
thought that she will be listening to “The confession of Love” that too, of her
arch-enemy Nandini - the perfect girl her parents time and again wanted her to
be.
The best part of the confession was drunk Nandini and sober
Mukti.
It was a success as well as a farewell party for one of Mukti’s
colleagues who had gotten a big job opportunity out of the country. Booze and music
were always in Mukti’s favorites so she wholeheartedly accepted the invitation
though for the act of courtesy, as you like to put it, she had given a smile and
congratulated him first.
The enthusiasm with which she had come to the party did not
even last for 30 minutes after entering the party. The sole credit of the booze
tasting bitter and music sounding horrific was the presence of the person she
despises the most- Nandini, who was unaware of the heated gaze of Mukti and
lost in the dancing beat with booze in hand having the time of her life.
How could she forget they worked in the same company with equal
positions though in different departments with her avoiding any talk with
Nandini except for extreme situations?
“Be like Nandini- the topper; smart and intelligent. And you,
plain stupid.” The words of her father thrown at her with every result and her
mother adding insults of her own came to hunt Mukti just by the mere sight of
Nandini- the neighbor whose parents were too proud of having her as their
daughter. Slight correction, not just Nandini’s own parents, but hers too.
Mukti can never forget how for the first time she had thought
her parents would be proud of her, after all, she had gotten her dream job in
one of the reputed organizations but as she had entered her house while shouting and
calling for her parents, her whole world had come crashing.
That day she had decided to stop thinking she can be ‘the
daughter’ for her parents who were busy celebrating and feeding sweets to each
other for Nandini had gotten the job in such a reputed organization.
They had looked at her with disappointment even before
knowing what she wanted to share and fed her with sweets, which had tasted
bitter.
That day she decided to move out. She just went to her room,
packed her bags, and got details of her savings from her bank account to search
for an apartment.
The problem was she had no friends to ask for help. In
school, she wanted someone who would recognize her for herself and not someone
who stays close to the topper and knows the secrets of the topper too; after all, they
were the next-door neighbors.
Not that she did not try or did not have friends; she had at
one point. But the mistake was, she confined her feelings with them after having
an argument early morning with her parents who wanted her to be like Nandini,
but the so-called friends rumored around saying how Mukti cursed and said bad
words about Nandini, the sunshine of class, the favorite student of teachers,
the perfect tutor, the perfect friend. Had the rumor been inside school then it
was okay, however, with air it reached from students to parents and from parents
to parents, it reached her from her father’s slap.
Then, her mother asked to apologize to Nandini, which she did
without a word more. Moreover, that day she did something else too, she shut
herself. The extrovert and carefree Mukti had become what others had labeled
her as, the selfish, self-centered girl but for herself, she was a badass queen,
who was racing for survival amidst the rumors, insults, and time.
From then she stopped pleasing her parents, she didn’t fight
back, gave a one-word answer, listened to every colorful word they said, never
argued, cried herself at night, and started finding solace in the thrill of
adventure and racing and meeting strangers.
In college where there was no Nandini for the first time, but the
trust issues did not help her. They were just mere acquaintances. However, the
hope of her parents one day saying they were proud to have her, as their
daughter was there but the same Nandini too crushed that.
She moved out placing back a letter for them.
Dear beloved parents,
“I regret getting a job in the same company as your precious
Nandini. Therefore, to hide my jealousy as per you and to live my life in
happiness as per me, I am moving out. Call me if you remember you have a
daughter but do not expect me to answer like an obedient daughter because I am
not that. Goodbye.”
Stupid ‘Badass’ daughter of yours
These entire years one thing she did not understand was,
never did she wish for Nandini to fail, nor did she wish to outsmart her. In fact,
she always thought Nandini was lucky to have such loving parents who were so
good to Mukti too than her own were. Then how did they all label her as
jealous?
Was wanting her parents to stop comparing her with someone
she was not being jealous of? Was wishing some appreciation for her efforts and not
be called stupid for not having IQ as someone else and having slight dislike
towards that someone to being envious?
If jealousy had this meaning then what about the one where
you resent a certain someone with such passion that you can even kill them for
something they have which you don’t?
She was far from it then why she too categorized in that.
After the few attempts to leave had failed, Mukti had taken
refuge in the isolated balcony away from the prying eyes and away from the view
of the dance floor and certain someone.
It was about 15 minutes of silence for Mukti with her, her
thoughts and booze that was still untouched. The thrill was gone so was the
sweetness of the drink.
She came out from her retrieve from a shout of her name…
“Muktiiiii…” She had expected someone from her colleague but turning
around she was shocked seeing the last person she expected.
Mukti was staring at the person without blinking her eyes
still in shock but was startled by a sudden shout near her ears making her jump.
“What the hell Nandini?” Mukti shouted while keeping her
hands in her heart to calm the erratic beating.
“I called you but you didn’t reply so I called you again,”
Nandini added with a grin making Mukti roll her eyes.
“Why are you here, Nandini?” Mukti asked while jumping
slightly and adjusting herself on the bricked railing of the balcony and made her
comfortable.
Nandini looked at Mukti who was swinging her legs and tried
to copy Mukti and jump but was failing continuously.
Mukti was getting irritated with the continuous jumping
sounds and failing tries, so she again asked.
“What do you want Nandini?” Nandini looked at her with hopeful
eyes and added, “I too want to seat like you.”
Mukti did not know what to reply but sighing forwarded her
hand and instructed her. Nandini gladly hold Mukti’s hand and did as Mukti
told.
Finally, both were sitting with their back towards the sky
and the height while facing inside the room with the crazy crowd.
A few moments of silence passed after which Nandini started poking
Mukti’s arms to gain Mukti’s attention, “What now?” Mukti asked irritated.
“I am bored,” replied Nandini.
“Then, what do I do? Be an entertainer for you.” Mukti
snapped which made Nandini’s lips wobble as if about to cry.
“Am I that bad that everyone hates me?” Nandini asked with a choked voice making Mukti not know what was making her so emotional by a
simple sarcastic smell.
Thinking something Mukti asked, “Are you drunk?”
“Don’t you know Nandini doesn’t drink?” Nandini replied
sassily making Mukti roll her eyes and mutter, “Where am I stuck?”
“Nandini, did you drink anything at this party?” Mukti asked
calmly not knowing how the mood swings work.
Never had she handled someone drunk before.
“I just drank that cold drink,” Nandini replied after a few
minutes of thinking, “It was so cool and chilling,” Nandini replied dreamily.
“But…” Nandini stopped and her expression turned angry from
dreamy which Mukti did notice, “That green garden didn’t let me have more than
just half bottle. And on top of that, he scolded me for drinking his best
friend’s drink.”
“Green garden?” Mukti asked not knowing who have drunk
Nandini nicknamed like that.
“Tch, you don’t know green garden? Come, I will introduce
you. He looks so funny in that bright green t-shirt. Two of myself will fit in that one.” The words funny too
sounded like ‘punny’ with the slurring of drunken Nandini.
“Be careful- oops!” Nandini could not hold herself with her
wobbly legs and fell down with a thud on the balcony floor.
Instead of standing up as Mukti had thought she would,
Nandini just sat crossed leg while rubbing her legs, and her arms hurt by fall.
“I know people call me down to earth but you don’t need to
keep proving it each time. “ Nandini said pointing an accusing finger at the floor
making Mukti complain to the almighty.
“You love to torture me right? Like how can you? Of all people,
you bestowed me with the presence of someone who is the reason for my miseries and that
too drunk. How? ”
“Just like that. It just happens.” Nandini said making Mukti
look at her who had a nonchalant expression.
“Hmm?” Mukti asked unaware of what now standing yet swinging
Nandini said.
“You asked how, and I just replied.” Nandini said, “My god
Mukti, how can you forget things just like that.” Nandini added while throwing
her hands in the air. Mukti rolled her eyes at Nandini’s exaggeration.
“I didn’t forget. I just had my mind pre-occupied with
something.” Mukti replied making Nandini bob her head in understanding.
“I know. I too when start to think, I keep on thinking.” Nandini said with a finger on her chin, but added with a pout, “But I really don’t want to think as whenever I think I think about him and it makes me smile and I don’t like that.”
Mukti just listened having nothing to do and it seems to be
getting interesting too. The forever-single girl had a crush -that was news.
“It would have been so easy if he had been like you,” Nandini
added making Mukti frown.
“Like me?” Mukti asked pointing her finger at herself while
Nandini bobbed her head in yes but her statement said otherwise.
“No, not like you. How can he be like you? He cannot be a
girl. Nope. Nada.” Nandini said making Mukti sigh.
“Nandini, who is he that should not be she?” Mukti asked
getting interested; not always do you get to know your enemy’s secret.
“He who must not be named. “ Nandini replied.
“You are potter head?” Mukti asked, “Yep, I am but I feel like
I will not be a great wizard.” Nandini added with watery eyes. It was drink or
emotions, Mukti did not know.
“Why do you think so?” Mukti asked curiously because as much
of a perfect human Nandini was, she will make a great wizard too, she thought.
“I just know so,” Nandini replied. Her voice cracked yet she
continued. “When I could not be a good human, how can I be a good wizard?” she
replied more like asked. Mukti did not know what to reply.
“Do you know what I think?” Mukti asked after a few minutes of
silence, “I think a perfect girl like you will make a perfect wizard too.”
Mukti replied.
Nandini chuckled humorously, “Says the perfect girl herself.
You don’t have to give me false hope, I understand.”
“Perfect girl? Me?” Mukti asked with a disbelieving expression,
“You got to be kidding me.”
Nandini shook her head repeatedly to deny Mukti.
“You Are Perfect.” Nandini emphasized, “So much that my own
parents time and again had said me to be like you.” She choked on her last
words.
Mukti laughed a sarcastic laugh at first but slowly it grew
-more hysteric. Nandini was startled but kept looking at Mukti who was wiping
the tears from her eyes.
“You are hilarious Nandini,” Mukti said, calming down.
“I am not joking.” Nandini snapped, “My parents were always
like- look at Mukti, so good at what she does. Just perfectly balances
everything. She has so many medals for every sport. How fantastic she is at
literature and drawing? How gracefully she carries herself. Her
fashion sense is amazing. Take tips from her. Not like, we are not proud of you to be first in academics,
but we will be more proud if you can balance between both academics and
athletics. We do not ask for the first position but participation. Your mom was on the girl’s
football team while I was on the cricket team in college. However, you being the
daughter of those sporty parents are not even participating. Have enthusiasm
like Mukti. Just try. It’s all about trying.”
Mukti was at a loss for words. She did not know what to say. Should she laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation or think deeper?
Be silent.
Let her talk, she decided.
Nandini had tears prickling in her eyes; her voice hoarse, “You
know how much my self-esteem reduced after hearing those rumors. I was
devastated. I started the diet, started eating less. I started to learn basketball
from dad but that disappointed look always made me feel bad. When I used to
look at you getting medals for football or badminton, I many times had
thought to be in your place. They loved me no doubt on
that but comparison hurts, hurts more than one can think. You know that
sometimes I wished your parents were mine; they were too good to me. After
each tries too I failed, became this potato-faced girl with short height, no fashion sense, so my parents were always a little disappointed.
They did not tell me after school, as they knew I grew up but I knew it when they looked at you riding bikes, racing with colonies
boys. My dad always wanted her daughter to be a fighter, but somewhere he knew
I was weak. Despite me getting a job at such a respected company and having a perfectly settled life, they were happy for me but something was always missing. And I confined
in your parents the news of my job and they were truly happy for me.”
Nandini was crying now.
“My parents loved me and still love me but it’s not enough at
times. I feel unwanted. And I tried hard to hate you for this but I could not,
you know why?” Nandini asked looking at Mukti skeptically.
“Maybe because you thought I was not at fault. I am just
being me and you were being you.” Mukti replied in a daze, as this was something
she had been seeking answers from childhood too.
“Yes, we are basically like strangers as you avoid me; maybe because
you too think I don’t match to your standards.” Nandini hiccupped.
Nandini’s energy drained now. She was sleepy, the after-effects of spiked drink and crying. But she shook her head to take the sleep away.
Mukti was at a loss for words. She wanted to correct Nandini,
scream at her. She wanted to shout, “At least your parents didn’t voice it out
all your life. At least they knew you grew up. At least they said they loved
you. Do you know how after leaving the house too my parents did not care if
lived or die? They did not call, not even during festivals did they wish or
ask me to visit at least. A message they sent though; you were a mistake.
Never show your face.”
However, Mukti kept quiet. At least her parents loved Nandini genuinely and were good in her eyes. Let the bubble be for her happiness, Mukti thought.
In addition, drunken Nandini might never know what happened
today. The Confessions. Mukti decided not to dwell or she will burst. The
bottled emotions will explode and now was not the time.
Will there ever be a time? she thought but let it go.
“Nandini, I am sorry for everything but just know you are
perfect as you are. Don’t think otherwise,” Mukti said while jumping down from the railing and holding Nandini’s shoulder.
“But…” Nandini was about to protest but she was cut off,
“Leave all this. You were at a party to have fun but see you
are making me emotional too. Let’s make tonight a new beginning okay?” Mukti
asked slowly, cautiously seeing Nandini’s expression.
“Fun? What fun? I was not here to have fun.” Nandini replied
shrugging her shoulders, “I was here to forget the monster but now I am again
thinking about him. Why cannot he be like you and avoid me so that I can hate
him? No, he has to be polite to me and talk to me. That idiot.” Nandini grumbled.
Mukti chuckled at
Nandini’s cute expression. She really was innocent, Mukti smiled at her
thought.
“You…you are laughing at me Mukti? So bad, so bad of you. Here
I am putting my grief in front of you and you ….Go, I don’t want to talk to
you.” Nandini kept muttering things under her breath while turning her back
towards Mukti.
“Okay okay sorry. But you are cute.” Nandini turned to
Mukti; her gaze pointed to know if it was a lie. Not finding any lie, she
grinned.
“And who is this monster? Why do you want to hate him?” Mukti
asked; her curiousness had skyrocketed now.
“You don’t know the
Monster? The monster Manik?” Nandini asked dramatically as if everyone should
know him.
He cannot be a TV or fictional character, can he? Mukti
thought but did not let her mind drift that way.
Again, Nandini added, “Yeah, how will you know? It is not as
if everyone should know him. I will say no one should know him.”
“But did he do something to you?” Mukti’s curiosity was like that of a cat- too much that she would want to know even if it means death though it
could not be that grave, was in her mind.
“He …that monster did so many things. First, he took away Cabir
from me?” Mukti shouted, “What? Cabir? Your cousin? “
“Yes, my Cabu. “ Nandini pouted, “Do you know Cabir had
always been my best friend. I would share my secrets with just him. Being an
introvert I had no friends who I could rely on but Cabir, he was always there. However,
with Manik, it changed. Every visit by Cabir, it was Manik this, Manik that. “
Mukti was getting the point now, knew what Nandini felt. The
jealousy was there but the feelings of attraction too were there.
“You know I hated him thinking he was some arrogant,
short-tempered, impolite, cruel boy who took my Cabu and wrapped him around his
fingers but ….” Nandini drifted off.
Mukti did not ask anything when Nandini stopped. She was
being patient for she knew one word and the drunken Nandini’s mind would travel
somewhere else, in total another dimension.
After a few seconds as Mukti expected, Nandini continued, “I
met him at Cabir’s home in Cabir’s birthday a few years- five to be precise. We
were like known strangers; just occasional talks. I avoided him like you did.” Let
us say at least one quality of mine was helpful to someone, Mukti thought but did
not comment, as that was sure to divert the talk.
“But every time I found something new, something intriguing
in him. He was polite to those who mattered, the ones with self-respect. The
two-faced people faced his rude side, the monstrous side if you may see. His
fists spoke only when his anger had exploded and that anger was always directed to
ones who tried to harm the one he cared for. No one understood his point. He was
just misunderstood and he loved to keep it that way to put people at bay.”
“How was he with you?” Mukti could not stop herself asking as
that was needed the most to go ahead.
“I don’t know how to put it,” Nandini answered thoughtfully,
“Maybe exactly as I have wanted my forever to be but just a little more flawed,
a little more reckless, a little more handsome, a little more selfish, a little
more….” Nandini trailed off, “loving.” She concluded.
At that time Mukti knew it, Nandini had realized what she too
as a listener had done.
“You love him,” Mukti stated for her looking at a look of uncertainty
trying to appear in Nandini’s face.
“But…but…how?” Nandini’s voice cracked and her eyes were
droopy. Mukti held Nandini’s shoulder in support knowing the latter was
exhausted and it was a matter of a few seconds before she passed out.
“Cause there is a very thin line between love and hate;
jealousy and desire; protectiveness and possessiveness…” Mukti had not even
completed her when Nandini passed out making Mukti sigh.
It was going to be a tough job to take her home, Mukti
thought.
Mukti took Nandini with her to her apartment, and helped her,
with a lot of struggle, and tucked her in bed.
Mukti too crashed beside her without bothering to change; the
confessions were too much for her.
Nandini had gone to the party with one thought in mind, have
fun, and forget him.
The dance, the drink, the socializing, and the music were all a
diversion from him. Moreover, she was sure it would help.
However, what she did not expect was to get drunk, more
precisely her drink to be spiked.
What she did not expect above that was having no memory of
what happened after she left the dance floor.
The most unexpected and shocking of all, she woke up beside
the one who avoided her the most, the stranger she knew all so well be it as a neighbor, her school acquaintance, and now, her colleague- the badass girl as
she is known as Mukti.
Nevertheless, what seemed to snatch the floor beneath her was
the blow Mukti gave her. After an aspirin for the hangover, a cup of coffee as she
liked it, and a full plate of breakfast with polite smiles and normal talks,
Mukti had finally thrown the ball at her full-speed, neither had she had a bat to
defend it, nor quick reflexes to dodge it. She was clean-bowled not in the field,
not in the head, but in heart, which raced as if she was to pass out soon.
“So, how are you
planning to confess your love to your Monster?”
Moreover, it took no rocket science to know, she was never to
drink because drinking meant confessions that can prove deadly if it is to
someone like Mukti.
