e I g h t
What strange creatures brothers are!
~Jane Austen
M A N I K
It's strange how one does not realize how much someone's absence costs them until they are finally there again.
I had not realized how much I missed Cabir, his humor, his sarcasm, our banters, and mostly, his presence. His silent support in every mischief I got up to or every struggle I faced.
This feels good. It felt...hopeful.
"Bachelor's Day — a time for men to gang up and celebrate with the rest of the single guy bunch. It's about having a good time, and..." What he didn't miss was this. This was annoying though.
"Cabir, "he stopped," I know what bachelor's day means. Stop reading articles from google."
"No, you don't." Cabir denied. "If you have known we won't be setting this snack table in front of the TV. "
"A game night is a good start," I said but he wasn't having it.
"Even a movie marathon would have been better than playing these battle games." he gestured to the stack of games on the table.
"We can do that then," I suggested but again, he is Cabir.
"But I don't want to," he whined. Not again.
"Cabir, it was your idea," I pointed out.
"Of course it was. I am not denying it," Cabir said but he was sure there was a but there.
"But..." there. "it was just to stop you from planning a candlelight dinner. And instead of understanding my sarcasm, you decided on just that."
"I...sarcasm?...but... I don't understand. " I said, "You only advised me to talk to Abhi. And to break the ice, I decided to invite him for a game night in my room."
"To break the ice you don't need to play games. You need to say sorry," he advised with a straight face.
I felt my cheeks heat up but no, I was not embarrassed. It's just that Cabir always made me feel like an idiot.
"You look cute when you blush," Cabir stated amused like a nuisance he was.
"I am not," I replied defensively. A chuckle sounded from behind and I didn't need to turn around to know who it was. Cabir's big grin was enough of an indication as was the sound itself.
"Well, the effort counts Cabir." Cabir was already moving. And with the laughter that followed, they were obviously hugging. I should turn. I ought to but I could not.
I felt like I was 10 years old again. I had just broken my brother's project in a fit of anger and jealousy for taking his attention away for a whole week. And Abhi had entered the room when I had calmed enough to regret it and called my name. Then also I had not been able to turn around to face Abhi.
"And after all these years I had thought you will at least be able to turn around and face me." that voice held disappointment. And I felt the tears forming again.
What was Cabir saying? I feel like I am crying always.
I had promised myself long ago that I will never do anything that will make Abhi disappointed in me but here he was. It hurts. It hurts so much.
"Idiot." his voice sounded close. So close yet it felt so far. I was made to turn around.
Why was my vision blurry? Must be my lashes. Always getting inside my eyes and making them water. I blinked a few times to make it work. It always does.
And as the vision returned I found myself staring at that face that was always smiling looking at me.
"I...Abhi..." I started but my throat constricted. It pained. I gulped.
"I'm sorry," I said in a thick voice. "I'm sorry I left. I know I should not -- I--"
I searched for something. Anything. The word was stuck.
"Idiot, always making a mess," Abhi said while slapping my head slightly. Cabir chuckled.
I stared wide-eyed at the duo. My throat still hurt and Abhi's eyes from hours back were still fresh but this felt nostalgic. Like it has already happened before.
"I told you he looks cute." Cabir made a cooing sound. What? I glared at him. He was making fun of me. This was not what he needed. He needed... he needed...urgh.
"Don't think much kiddo. Come let's have some snacks. I am starving." Abhi pulled me towards the table where we had set up the snacks for the game night. And I followed like I always do when he calls me that.
"But you had a dinner reservation ?" Abhi looked at me with a raised eyebrow and I felt like shrinking myself.
Abhi must have seen something on my face caused he sighed. Running a hand through his face, he sat on the sofa pulling me along. Cabir sat on my other side making me a sandwich between them.
"Nandini decided if I get to have my Bachelor's day then she too gets to have a Bacherett day." his tone was light but the clenching of his hands said something else. And I was a coward who will never ask. Who just could not ask why?
The silence was anticipating, suffocating.
But I could not break the ice like Cabir said. It was not easy. It was hard. Too hard.
As if hearing my thoughts, Cabir himself followed through.
"No," Cabir exclaimed loudly," We are not having this talk now. Tonight and tomorrow are all we have for your bachelor's day so we are going to make the best of it. Everything can wait."
Saying so Cabir put a gaming console in both of our hands.
I just stared at the console. My hands tightened around it but I took a deep breath to calm my nerves when Abhi spoke.
"Humor me, Cabir? How long did you think before saying that?" I looked at Abhi's quirked lips and then at Cabir. He was scowling at the tv while setting up the game.
I felt my own lips curve. Cabir was getting emotional. And was not that just precious?
Cabir looked at us once which made us brothers both laugh out loud. Cabir groaned.
And as the night progressed, I relaxed. I didn't win a single game but the small talk and laughter eased my nerves and let my mind rest. The little banters were so familiar that they had me grinning all the time.
The snacks set up were eaten and the room itself looked like a tornado hit it but it was fine. They could think of it tomorrow.
And when I felt Abhi running his fingers through my hair in my sleepy state, I whispered, "I am sorry." I probably won't remember it or what Abhi said afterward but it was fine.
It was going to be okay with his brother and his brother is everything but blood.
Guilt, shame, regret. None are the same but when one feels it all, it's overwhelming. And then they don't need a talk. They just need a presence, a moment to gather themselves. The talk can wait, cause there is time. Enough time.
~˜"*°•.˜"*°• And he just wanted his brothers; his only family whispering that it was okay to be strange sometimes ~˜"*°•.˜"*°-
ᴅᴀᴛᴇ: 5 ᴀᴘʀɪʟ 2022
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